Since my narcissistic discard experience of five months ago propelled me to tentatively research psychopathy (that tentative endeavor turned more into almost like a second full-time job of reading and watching countless hours of information) I have noticed a new phenomenon actually occurring lately in my life. In just the past few weeks or so random women that I meet immediately seemed to sense something in me that must feel “safe” and they open up to me about their abusive partners or abusive ex partners. I am flattered that we connect and I find that through both my recent research and life experience that I have a unique perspective, suggestions and even advice to offer.
It is slowly coming to fruition that my existence may have another purpose altogether besides getting three children raised (because for a while this reason alone was the only reason keeping my suicidal feelings at bay).
Even though I am deeply ashamed of my abusive past existence and failed marriages I don’t seem to have much of a problem sharing my story. But even more so I don’t seem to have a problem finding people who are eerily relate to it.
The reason it is eeire? Most people have fallen into a relationship with a psychopath at one time or another because it seems to be becoming a plaguing epidemic in our society.
And yet there doesn’t seem to be a whole lot of awareness of these types of predators (narcissists/psychopaths/sociopaths and other similar “Cluster B” personalities) in our culture yet and what they are capable of. I was in therapy pretty much the whole time I was involved in my two back-to-back failing abusive marriages. The only therapist that actually seemed to correctly diagnose what was going on with me and point out that I was actually being simultaneously abused by both husbands (even when I did not realize this or guess this myself) was a therapist appointed by Child Protective Services. (Yes, unfortunately you read that right). It wasn’t like the therapists that I saw during those dark years weren’t aware of sociopathic/ psychopathic/narcissistic abuse, but it seems now looking back that they probably only had ever dealt with the textbook side of it. To have dealt with it personally… no textbook in the world could begin to touch upon the effects and after effects.
So despite having my plate already full with raising three children, running a household, trying to climb that promotional ladder at work, preparing for a residence relocation (yet again), and reconnecting with Spirit I am going to continue my psychopathy researching blog and have now even started a video blog as well! I will continue to be an advocate for domestic violence and emotional abuse survivors. And when the children are a bit older hopefully I can contribute to that community in an even larger way.
I am being called for a purpose. What my angriest abuser, Mr. Moore, intended to destroy me with is being rebuilt to possibly help the type of women/men that he and those like him target. I am sure this was never his intent. It is ironic because he actually took great pleasure in destroying me and my children (even the child that we have together).
If I can shed light with any human being that their existence does not hinge on their partner giving them attention, affection or love then I feel I am giving back to the Universe. If I can help bring out the Divine connection within any abuse survivor then I believe it will help me to remember my own connection to the Divine as well.